Friday, June 29, 2007

iM SwEpt aWay...

Juz one or two words from me before I log out from this damned connection so called tenet yg lembab nk mampuih… (alangkah sonoknye kalu dok di sana, leh main tenet lelaju… leh donlot bebyk… haih…. jelesnye ngan orang tu. huhu~~)

Ermm actually what will gonna happen to me for the next few days, maybe weeks or may be months…It juz came to my head spontaneously… jeez… my head can figure out nothing and anything… may be im the only person in this world that has nothing to do with my life… what a waste? Even I regretted about the past and the present, im still cant make a move… dun no which path shud I take… I thought im lost in the middle of nowhere… no place for me to go… may be im juz wait for dying… or I am the walking dead man like a zombie… i guess... kui3… and bla bla bla… wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Ooo gosh… I’m dreaming again and again.. huhu~~ my frenz.. Please wake me up when I lost… and thanks for that…

Okies… its time for me to rest… but not sleep yet! Huhu~~

Thursday, June 28, 2007

duN SwitCh Off ThE LiGhT!

Such a fool! Like an idiot… I’d been lately… may be worst than that, may be no words can tell the exact what I am rite now! Juz dunno how to explain myself… even I don’t understand myself and that was he hardest part.. I guess. Very very bad, huh? Kui kui kui… itu lah introduction untuk kali nie… nk start melalut la tu…

Bebenornya, x leh nk lelapkan mata nie… since when? Not sure la… tapi, bila nk masuk tido tido jer… my head start to think and spinning around… itu yg problem tu… langsung tak best… kalu pikir menda yg elok tu tak pe la.. ini idak.. asyik pk yg bukan2 jer… haru dibuatnyer… its hurting me so bad… sumtimes.. ermm most of the nite kot, its made me cried from inside and outside, even I dun want to… entah la, apa nk jadi la ngan ko ni jan… satu menda pon x pernah settle… minta2 lepas melalut kat blog ni, made me feel much better… I wish there is sumone to bear.. really need sumone… yup, I need a shoulder to cry on… but too shame to do all this… and its make me look so damn! What a poor guy? so weak! May be I am… im not strong enuff to face this alone…and im really tired from all of this.. im still regret about the past… if I could turn back the time... well, im juz hoping sumthin that imposible… im totally sick! Or may be juz forget about it! If I could….

Aduii… sowwie… ter emo la plak… huhu~~ ala, jan ni mmg cam tu.. tapi x der la sampai terbawa2 cam orang tu... kui3... erm... x tau nk wat pe pepagi cam nie… senyap sunyi je umah nie… cam seram je umah nie… tapi memang seram pon… jan sendiri pon seram2 sejuk je dok sesorang kt ruang tamu ni... huhu~~ nk tgk tv astro tu.. rasenyer dh khatam semua movie yg ditayang tu.. nk wat sudoku tu, cam dh fed up la plak.. satu ari buat.. still x dpt, may be… my head so stuck rite now… memang mencabar otakku yg sememang berkarat nie… then akak plak suruh buat teka silang kata CIMB bank yg dalam utusan tu, lagi la pening dibuatnyer… well juz put that thing beside for awhile… si jan nie… bila nk masuk tido ntah… esok mula la x beringat dia tido.. huhu~~ kalu dulu, ada jugak bos besar tolong kejutkan... hehehe~~ bukan jan x mo tido, tapi cam fobia je nk masuk tido... baring je… mula nk dok pikir itu ini… truly madly deeply hate it! Semua benda dh cuba buat… tapi still not working… may be kena amik ubat tido kot… kalu lah ada.. dh lama si jan ni telan kot!

Ermm… neways, really miss my lovely ones… dh lame x dengo kabor beghito… dengo2 jer… yg tu sakit hati la… yg sorang lagi demam la… ermm entah la jan, nk ckp kan.. org kata jan ni penyibuk la.. kecoh la.. itu la ini la… biar la.. diorang dh besor panjang pon.. jan ni aje yg kecik2... x besor2 pon... huhu~~ errmmm.. bila la agaknya jan ni nk berdikari ye... langsung x reti nk jaga diri... awak tu lelaki.. pergh, terngiang2 lagi ayat tu kat telinga ku ini... ops... tersasul lak... ni yang x best nie.. semua menda dia dok mai kt kepala otak nie...huhu~~
erm... benornye baru je tadi online kejap ngan bancik n kakzue and mijal too… huhu~~ tetiba je suruh jan online.. ingatkan ada apa.. suspen gak… last2, apepon x ckp… hampeh tol… erm.. kalu nk suruh jan online esok kol 10 pagi, rajin2 la kejutkan jan.. kui3... kak lisa lak, totally out of reach... mungkin dia berada diluar kawasan liputan kot! langsung x dapat dihubungi.. miahaha~~ pepon, jan doakan semuanya senantiasa hepi and ceria... oh ye, tadi yoe ada col dari konti radio putra fm, cam seronok je dia... mcm2 nk cerita kat aku ni yg tgh biol ni.. layan je la...

So itu jela kot... dh lenguh nie, dgn pinggang sakit, bahu lenguh2.. pi berkebun katakan... anak ayah la konon2 nyer... pergh... satu badan ni sengal dibuatnyer... padan muka ngan badan nie.. rasakan.. biar terbakar lelemak ku ini.. bancik, seluar bancik kasi tu dh jadi ketat la plak sejak dok kt umah nie.. kui3.. cepat betul body ni naik.... cam ada penaik roti je dlm badan ni... ni yg hangin bila dok umah nie... huhuhu~~~

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

wHeRe iS My SuNshiNe?

Salam... ermm nothing much change since a month ago... feel so down lately... my life so dull... so gloomy... i dunno how to paint it.. and wat colour i shud used... and how to make it colourful... bright.. shine again... may be, my life never shining like others.. adeh.. dh melalut la plak... bebenornye baru je lepas chattin ngan bancik nie.. dh lama x berchattin nie... cam rindu la plak... huhu~~ semua org cam bz, kalu online pon, x der sapa nk layannyer... baik layan perasaan sendiri.. kui3...kak lisa pon cam bz je lately langsung x der khabar berita after her short visit to terengganu, may be she still mad at me, erm.. well it my fault, i took it... tapi, kalu nk chattin tu leh je bebenornya, may be im the one who try to hide or run.. i guess so...


oohh yup.. firstly.. congrats to my bro, en hazir... kerana dinaikkan pangkat dari pekerja swasta ke pekerja kerajaan di bahagian kementerian sumber manusia.. huhu~~ apapon jan doakan yg terbaik buat bancik.. jadi la insan yg berguna buat keluarga dan negara, nusa dan bangsa... jangan mudah lupa diri... jgn cepat tensen2... jgn cepat marah2.. jgn cepat majuk2... ops...huhu~~ cam berceramah la plak.. semoga cepat naik pangkat dan jadi bos besar... nanti bila dh senang, jgn la lupa kt jan plak... amik la jan jadi 'prebet' lak... miahaha~~ sapa la nk maik jan nie ye, jaga diri sendiri pon x reti lagi... huhu~~

erm... hope everyone hepi la ye.. coz im so hepi for you...termasuk la kak zue... kak zue, are u hepi? hope so... huhu~~ selebeynyer terpulang la pada bancik utk handle semuanyer.. kui3... i'll always support u from behind...

kalu diikutkan hati ni, teringin sesgt nk jupe ngan mijal nie.. rindu la.. tapi, kalu jan pi sana pon, buat tambah beban je, lagipon bukan jan leh tolong apa pon... its better for me to stay here... even im bored to death rite now... juz do the same routine that i hate... makan, tido, tgk tv... kalu rajin pi kilang kopok.. bukan tolong wat pepon.. juz looking around... huhu~~ well, i got another one year to finish my study... im totally out of my mind rite now... may be im crazy... hope no one knew me before...

ermm bancik lak... mak, ayah, akak, abang dh ajak berpuluh2 kali mai umah nie... huhu~~ meh le jenjalan sini.. cuti2 malaysia... (jan ni x phm2 ker... saje je buat tak paham situasi bancik tu) huhuhu~~ tapi kalu ajak kak lisa, mesti dh serik nk dtg sini.. hehehe~~ mesti cecepat dia tolaknyer...
kata nk belaja wat kopok, meh ler.. nanti balik kedah leh la bukak bisnes kopok... macam kawan ayah kat penang tu... dia pon dulu dtg belaja wat kopok kat sini jugak... sekarang dia dh maju tau.. huhu~~ saje je pomot nie...

well, im better off now... tenet ni dh la limited, lembab nk mampus lak tu.. huhu~~ okies everyone... see ya.. and miss you all...

Monday, June 18, 2007

Sh0uLd i LaUGh? oR sHOuLd ! cRy?

Juz for sharing and nothing much to write as im juz wasting my time rite here, rite now… I shud go to bed already i guess but i had enuff slept this morning.. huhu.. wat a lazy bum? How shud I start? Ermmm… well, i juz recall one of the story tat my frenz share with me not long time ago… huhu~~ I hope he didn’t mad at me coz of this… cam ada orang lain baca selain bancik n kak lisa.. tu pon kalu diorang x busy.. huhu~~

Adeh.. cam ne nk citer nie.. cam susah la plak.. ye la.. topik pon cam boring jer.. of coz la its about luv.. plus, i’ve never been in love before.. no experience no gain… huhu~~ but, i love to hear bout that… macam2 story dh dengo… kekadang, boleh buat tersengih sesorang bila tingat semua tu.... hehe~~ kalu kisah cinta bancik tu… juz copy and paste je kot kt sini.. kui3… ada lagi dalam simpanan jan… tapi x full story la… lagipon jan baru je dengo dari mulut bancik.. dari mulut kak zue lom lagi.. huhu~~ ni kena dengo nie.. x leh jadi nie, kalu x, not fair la kan... kalu kak lisa lak... ermmm ada la skit2 kot... tapi boleh je kalu nk suruh jan bukak story tu... then, sapa lagi ek... ramai la.. huhu~~ cik sugus itam yg jatuh cinta dgn datuk A, B and C, miahaha~~ Si iza yg ada scandal dgn si H tu, muahaha~~ si ana yg fall in luv with ’sumbody’ and ’sumone’ tu, kuikuikui... si N yg menjejaki kekasihnya selama bertahun2... , si Z yang masih mengharap pada cinta pertamanya walau berkali2 dilukai... hikhikhik... my x-roomates yg casanova..... adeh.. pening2…

Adui.. susahnyer nk tulis... cam ni lah.. budak laki ni not sure he fall in luv or not… nk kata mengharap sesgt for tat gal tu idak la kot… ye la, cam nk kata hidung mancung tu x jugak, nk kata pipi tu ada lesung pipit tu.. lagi la x der… tapi boleh la tahan.. he quite shy guy.. malu bertempat la kot… ponpuan tu lak katanya, x de la lawa sgt, tapi bila hati dh berkenan.. semuanya jadi indah bila dipandang.. x ker gitu? kih3~~ wat i wandering is..
he still keep the promised that he made for last 10 years ago… and may be until today kot! he will never find another gal… waiting for tat gal… even dlm masa tu ada la jugak ponpuan lain menaruh hati padanya… but the gal status yet unknown… mungkin sudah berpunya atau mungkin belum…huhu~~
well, both of them wanna to concentrate on their study at first, and after 10 years (maknanya, tahun ni la result dia kuar… kwang3~~)… jika ditakdirkan mereka akan bertemu dan mengikat kembali kasih yang terjalin… kalu idak, bermakna berakhir sudah kisah mereka sepuluh tahun yang lepas… itu lah pesanan ponpuan tu kat dia.. and dlm masa tu, don’t ever. Never try to find or make a contact… that is wat tat gal said to him… even he afraid, if she broke the promise… plus, he knew that, ada laki lain cuba memikat tat gal… fuh.. kira2, cam tu la kot kisah diorang nie…
kalu jan la.. sanggup ke cam tu? Kui3~~
but, as I said, that guy tak de la mengharap… he will be fined and ready for any possibilities that might happen... and the important thing is, he stil keep his love with him, even not 100%.. may be 90%... huhu~~ so, after this he stil can fall in luv.. and free from any agreements… cam tu la kot… ermm kesian pon ada… tapi rasa mcm bengong pon ada gak.. sory la.. bukan nk mengata atau mengutuk... tapi.. ermm biar laaa…. Tu la, nabi pon pernah bersabda, jgn kamu suka menabur kata-kata manis (suka berjanji) sekiranya kamu tidak mampu menunaikannya, kerana hanya mereka yg bermulut celupar sahaja yg suka berbuat demikian… cam tu la kot lebey kurang.. kalu sesapa tau.. perbetulkan la ye…
Ermm itu aje la kot… cam x best lak citer nie… bukan apa, pengarang ni yg x reti nk mengulas kot.. kui3... sory la ye...

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Anyone of Us (Stupid Mistake)



I've been letting you down, down
Girl I know I've been such a fool
Giving in to temptation
When I should've played it cool
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

[Chorus]
It can happen to..
Anyone of us, anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love
Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to..
Anyone of us, say you will forgive me
Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take my heart will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

She was kind of exciting
A little crazy I should've known
She must have altered my senses
'Cause I offered to walk her home
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

[Chorus]

A stupid mistake
she means nothing to me
(nothing to me)
I swear every word is true
don't wanna lose you

Juz HopiNg... waSn't EnuF!!!

Again and again... the same thing happened! and i juz dont realize... i feel so shame of myself... i'd broken someone heart into pieces.. frustrated... and its all bcoz of me! i make a silly mistake once again...never tot it happened in the nick of time... wrong time wrong place wrong situation..all the blame goes onto me... only me!

im totally lost... i lost to the situation that i'd been.. and never get thru of it... im stuck in there... tried to reach out.. tried to help myself... but i cant.. and then, i try to recall for someone and searching for help... but then, im drowning bcoz.. bla bla bla bla... kui3..
ntah apa la jan mengarut di pagi buta nie ye...huhu~~ juz forget it lah.. citer dh lapuk... bukan ada apapun... but juz for reminder buat jan...

in real life... real story.. real people... real world...thats so-called reality... when u hoping so much and you failed to reach for it... u'll feel so down at the end and the worst... ur alone, by urself to keep on livin... Alone in the dark! like the sun never shine for you... like the moon never bright for you... like the star never twink for you..like the day never appear for you... like no one gonna be by yourside til the end..juz alone!

u've grown by now! why dont u handle everything by urself! wake up my dear frenz...
forget me and forget everything... be the one like before! who r u? u r not one of us? u r not my family... u r no one for me.. what for???
suddenlly, theres a tears dropped from my eyes... im hurtin from inside... truly and deeply hurt!

dowh~~ i cant continue this nonsense.. what im thinking actually... huhu~~ may be i dropped down by this f*ck emotion and s*ck situation... ekekeke~~

neway.. citer kt atas tu x der kena mengena ngan sesapa kot.. like i said before juz for reminder... hope im nope hoping so much.. berharap lagi.. huhu~~

btw, Hepi anniversary to my lovely bro and sis... bancik and kak zue... semoga ikatan
yang terbina akan terus berkekalan dan diberkati olehNya... jan doakan semoga bancik dan kak zue serta famili senantiasa berada dlm lindunganNya... semoga kemesraan yang bertaut terus utuh dan kukuh x lapuk walau ditelan zaman... biarpun musim berlalu, hari berganti, namun.. cinta yg disemai terus bersemi hingga ke akhirnya...
eh bancik dpt adiah apa ek? x kasi tau kat jan pon.. dh tu senyum sesorang... hampeh tol.. abis tu bancik kasi apa je dekat kak zue.. huhu~~ sebuk je jan ni ye... hehe~~

and for kak lisa.. pak lah dh nk kawen pn.. kak lisa bila lagi.. kui3... tu la, ari tu pak lah offer buat2 jual mahal.. miahaha... ops.. jgn bersedey ye... cuba lagi taun depan.. mana tau kot2 pak lah nak cari no 2,3 or 4 ker... huhu~~ cam nk kena banned je blog ni..

and for me... keep on livin... whenever its up and down... even u r alone... even u r thrown away... even u r forgotten by everyone... juz believe in yourself!

Friday, June 01, 2007

tOo maNy t0 ReGreT...

Salam pembuka bicara...

Today is juz another sunny sunday (27th may) in my life... everything seems calm outside, but inside who knows... but i'm hepi as long as everyone beside me hepi... or may be happier... thats is the things i always try to keep on my mind... hope so.

juz in a few weeks, a lots of things happened, a few things solved and a thousand things juz gone and washed by... everything that happen for a reason... and i juz dun no why... sumtimes, i tried to figure it out... yet it still unknown... wat i can do is.. always try to look on the bright side and hope everything will be fined... not sooner may be later... thats life, full of hope...

Life... sumtimes, it can be easy and hard... depend on how we handle it... and my life, juz another story; different ways and the same thing with a few chapters and plots...
and today, after a long time i've been waiting for someone to talk and to share... suddenly come out and gave me a hope that i lost it a long time ago... even its not much, but it is more than what i hope... thanks coz being so sincere even it hurts... i will try to admit it even its bitter to swallow... and it is more painful than wat i tot.. that is the reality.. not so sweet as fantasy... that i always dreams of..
this whole time, i'm too afraid to face this life... and even now... afraid of sumthin that unreal.. afraid to lose... afraid to try... afraid to change... afraid of this world that i'd been living... and too many to write it down... and it makes me weak and weaker... not even get better... so shame huh?

life.. is full with questions.. but too few answers and choices... and bcoz of that, we need to explore... to experience... to expose.. to excite... and so on... and for me.. there is nothing much i did... from the start i did a mistake.. and the worst.. never learned from the mistake... even im afraid to face it alone.. im the one who always love to rely on.. to depend.. and try to blame on the others.. im such a coward.. i dun know when will i learned my lessons.. and until when my life will be like this... will it be forever?

and one of the question is... do i hav the plan in my life? wat is my target for the next 5 or 10 yrs? and sadly... the answer is none! so, what is the meaning i live in this world? i can say.. nothing... and until tonite, im stil lying here on my own to search the answer...