and after awhile when i came to my sense i reached out my phone, kept scrolling down the contact list from A-Z and from 0-9, but no one to call or sms.. and no one that i can rely on when i such in need. i only got salesman no and a few no that i not use anymore.. no friend no one. yup im alone and the loneliest guy in the planet. then my eyes just capsized with my own tears again...i just wish someone was here to comfort me and be with me rite now... doing nothing just to stare at.. and fall in love. and color my life.
then my memories rolling back when i still at school, i got my eyes on some girls i like, but ive done nothing. no action no game. just looking from far and hide my feeling deep inside when im with her. too afraid to step up. and then its gone. evaporating and drying. its so hard for me. and myself make it harder. and sometimes a few girls maybe, try to approach me and try to ask me and make me hers, but i resisted without guilty. i never gave her a chance to explain and i just act nothing happen and put a walls between us.. how cruel i can be.. how stupid i was.. im such a faggot! at least i should listen to her and give it a try..
i really dont understand, what am i afraid of? hurt? its okay to hurt and be hurt.. sometimes yeah. commitment? i dunno.. i never take the risk.. i always play safe. im scared to commit something in my life. oh geez, please. what the hell im doing... in my current state i know im not going nowhere, not going further and i will never move on. what im waiting for???
i drowned in the endless night...and ive been long longing for someone. i really need someone to talk to.. anyone.