Untuk Apa Lagi...???

Salam perpisahan
Buat yang tersayang... sahabat rakan dan taulan
nun jauh dipandangan... jauh lagi disanubari
Di sini ku coretkan
secebis nota terakhir
khas buat tatapanmu

bukan tuk bermaafan.. dan bukan itu yg ku pinta
kerana ku tahu.. tiada maaf bagiku
insan yg sering melukai mu

dan bukan pula tuk ku menodai mu
kerana bagi ku.. kau lah satu-satunya
yang ada tuk ku bermanja dan berduka lara

dan
Tiada apa tuk ku katakan lagi
Tiada rahsia tuk ku nyatakan
Tiada janji tuk ku kotakan
Tiada khabar tuk ku kirimkan

Ku kan pergi
dan bukan maksud ku tuk ku pergi
walau hanya seketika cuma
tapi ku akur
kerana ku tau.. itulah kemahuanmu

Terima kasih wahai Blog ku
Kerana izinkan ku pergi
Semuanya demi cinta ini
bukankah begitu?

Di saat dan ketika ini
ku mengerti.. ku pasti
Lambaian Redang menunggu kehadiran ku
dan untukmu.. kan ku hadiahkan sebuah coretan
coretan tentang kita.. semuanya tentang kita
tentang seribu satu kemanisan
untuk kau hayati sepanjang permergianku
hanya untukmu

Ditujukan khas buat Blog yg tersayang... miahaha~~

Background Musics:
Iklim - Blues Terengganu kita, Datang dan Pergi

Story of The Roadsign

Grrr.. i need do sumthin.. sumthin that make me smile... so i came up with this idea, i need a jokes.. i need a fun... i need sumthin funny... sumthin hilarious.. so, this is it.. its not mine.. and not yours too.. juz took a little effort to search, spent an hour to edit and roughly touch up to make it look much better.. so enjoy the story... as much as i do... dun care if u read it thousand times already.. coz this is wat i need.. huhu~~
(but the fact is.. i dun have any story to write today..muahaha~~ ye la, why not? still lyin on bed.. now i got cough + flu + throat sick + dizzy)

Something is Missing!

Urgh... I hate so much when im sicked and cant do anything... and i hate even more when i healthy and cant do anything at all... ermm juz like wat im being rite now... coz thats why people called u (not me) lazy bum or lazybones or lazy dog or lazy head or dickhead or watever... who cares?? huhu~~ with no idea in my head i juz packed my beg pack as the list that given to me... erm, i guess its make me much more energetic like before.. i need to cheer up... and i so sorry to myself for not being gud enuff... myself need me the most at this time...

oo gosh... 2 days to go.. but when i checked the list juz now... a few things missing.. ermm its not that i lost that thing... but i dont have it yet! huhu~~ haru biru... so, how come??? ermm, luckily... tomoro is the alamanda day.. haha~~ just for me, every tuesday, i will be there for sure, for myself not so sure wat the reason is. fuh! settle... hope everything i need will be there...waiting for me to come and buy...

what is the missing thing? the most important item are.. of coz la goggle & snorkel.. if not, what for i join this trip.. x leh snorkeling... buang karan je la... memang la, dia org ada sediakan, but im not going to share with anyone.. not a tiny little bit..over my dead body la.. huhu~~

the second thing is... extra foods.. well u know me. who knows, if emergency case happen.. suddenly in the middle of night, everyone fall asleep.. then my gigantic tummy yummy begging me to feed her... oo i cant let it be.. i do have so much sympathy for her. i care for her... a lots. she know the best. huhu~~ kan x pasal2 kena pi menjala ikan kt tgh laut... x sanggup den.
citer pasal ni.. teringat plak, nanti ada bbq seafood.. walla... tangkap hidup2, siang hidup2, bakar cepat2.. mkn sedap2.. fresh and ori... nanti la kemunculan ku wahai sotong2, udang2 sekalian... kalu ada ketam pon best gak... apa lagi ek yg boleh dibakar??? nanti panjat pokok kelapa... pastu minum air buah nyor.. huhu~~ buat masa ni, jgn dipikir pasal gout tu dulu... huahuahua~~ nanti sakit.. sendiri tanggung la beb.. ish ni yg tak tahan nie... spoiler tol la gout nie.. jgn dipikir... biar jiwa setenang pantai yg memutih... huuu~~~~

hurmm wat else.. one flip-flop, cheap one.. ok la.. pakai buang pn jadi la.. i need a rubber mat for my bed or for gedik santai di pantai.. hehe~~ ermm i need a torchlight but yoe oready bought one at pasar mlm juz know.. share aje la.. fancy lagi tu.. kelip kelap cam nk pi tgk konsert plak.. ekeke~~ then, i need some mineral water.. ermm.. juz small-small thing la... maleh nk story.. but the problem is, do i need the swimming trunk?? eh how do you think.. what color ek if i wanna buy one.. miahaha~~ abis la kena kejar dek ikan duyung... muahaha~~

well thats for now... hope i will come back later with more fascinating stories...

Hot Day + Dog Days = Hot Dog + 2 Days (wasted)

Not again! my weekend was playin with me... fool around like tat.. what a pity of me? He used me to lyin on the bed.. most of the time... like a toy im played dumb and numb. it was rude.. and so cruel.. but who was i blamed actually?? hehe~~ i have no idea... .. and it happened. and i am the victim here.. victim of my own tragedy!

well.. it was 5 in the mornin... i juz woke up from the very very unreachable fantasy and it was unidentified dreamin.. ermm... back to reality, yes-two-days, i juz got the wicked signed... my throat felt so sore.. like sumthin stuck into it.. more than a bottle of water i drank.. but nothin changed... its very uncomfortable when i tried to swallow sumthin... even my own saliva.. yucks! i guess its because i drank too little water lately.. yes, i admited tat! tats why i tried to drink as much as i can now... and the consequences, its uncountable how many times i went to toilet.. huhu~~

so i ended up with reading the book i bought at mid valley last couple days... ermm i wonder, how fast people can read actually? coz for me, its took a week to finish one book, estimate-ly... and even i read it with full of concentration. im so admired who can read more than one book a day.. how they read actually??? is there any techniques.. i really wanna know how.. what i knew is... they read line by line, not word by word.. i tried before.. and the result.. i dont know a thing wat i read.. and i need to go back from the start with my slow and steady reading style... so as i read the book focus-ly.. not even finished two pages, my head started to feel so heavy... its terrible! then i juz fall asleep like tat...

the next mornin, actually not really mornin.. hehe~~ i barely can lift up my head... its like my head was made by stone... so heavy. and my throat... became worse.. everything goes in despite of sweet, spicy, salty, sour and any taste that ever existed in this world... was tasteless to me! i lost one of my fifth sense... the sixth sense was out of topic.. huhu~~ ooo i cant imagine how unaesthetic this live can be without taste? can u imagine that??? u better not.. and the new symptom was turned up as i conscious... heavily i breath.. but looks like sumthin blocked the air from comin into my nose.. i got flu! yes... (its not like im hepi), it is.. ooo shit.. and now, i lost two from my fifth sense. i cant smell and i cant taste.. wat an unlovely mornin.. and hows my day without that two.. and i not gonna story tat coz its so unlikely.. unlively... wuwuwu~~~

but for now.. the stone head gone... thanks god.. but my fifth sense still incomplete.. still in healing process.. and my weekend got burned! nothin can be done... and the suspect, none.. zero suspect. no one to blame... case close! hehe~~

but juz to remind, the weather was unpredictable changed nowadays as we knew the changin of the monsoon happened in this month... ermm am i rite... mostly it was rain for long enuff and then dry and hot.. nahhh... im not weather man and u can juz watch telly... or notice by yourself... im not gonna explain this thing... plus this month almost end..

daa~~ goin to bed again now.. huhu~~

Lose-Lose Situation!

Guiltily and gloomily i was attended the briefing about our camping at Pulau Redang and was conducted by en.mustaffa around 5 oclock at FPP.. never knew him before. all the new faces except yoe.. its took an hour and half... ermm nothing much to say... and here i listed the thing and the tentative juz to fill the empty column... sorry im really stuck in between... so sorry... and my words seem stuck in my throat.. eep! eep!

List of equipments to bring with:

1. Apparels for 3 days 2 nights
2. Swimming suit/Tight/goggles/life jacket
3. Toiletries: toothbrush, soap, shampoo and etc.
4. Towel
5. Plate, mug and spoon.
6. Torchlight
7. Knife
8. Tent/sleeping beg/swing
9. First aid for own use
10. Pocket money for shopping at pasar payang.

Tentative Program:
30 April 2008 (Wednesday)
11.30 p.m.: Departure from UPM

01 May 2008 (Thursday)
03.30 a.m.: Break at Hentian Temerloh
04.00 a.m.: Continue the journey
06.00 a.m.: Subuh Pray at Masjid Marang or Masjid Terapung
09.00 a.m.: Breakfast at Chendering, Nasi Dagang
10.00 a.m.: Continue the journey
10.45 a.m.: Arrived at Merang Jetty, Setiu
11.00 a.m.: Departure to Pulau Redang
01.00 p.m.: Arrived at Taman Laut Redang
02.00 p.m.: Briefing by Taman Laut officer
02.15 p.m.: Zuhur Pray and activities + tea time
06.00 p.m.: Prepare for diner
07.30 p.m.: Marghib & Isyak pray
09.00 p.m.: Activities
11.30 p.m.: Dismissed

02 May 2008 (Friday)
06.00 a.m.: Subuh Pray
07.30 a.m.: Breakfast
08.30 a.m.: Activities
11.30 a.m.: Prepare for lunch
12.30 p.m.: Lunch & Zohor pray
02.30 p.m.: Survival session
05.30 p.m.: Tea time
06.30 p.m.: Prepare for diner
07.30 p.m.: Marghib & Isyak Pray
08.00 p.m.: Diner
09.00 p.m.: Activities
11.30 p.m.: Dismissed or can join the other goin to "candat sotong".

03 May 2008 (Saturday)
06.00 a.m.: Subuh Pray & Prepare for breakfast
08.00 a.m.: Exploration
11.00 a.m.: Prepared for going back
11.30 a.m.: Departure to Kuala Tereangganu
01.00 p.m.: Arrived at Merang Jetty & Shopping at Pasar Payang
0.300 p.m.: Going back to UPM
11.00 p.m.: Arrived at UPM

not too many activities i guess.. and most of it is snorkeling... thats it. and it will be my first experience and i really want to try it for the first time in my life.

actually, i wasnt stay at redang island, to be exact i will stay at pulau pinang where the marine park is.. one of the island in redang archipelago. hope we have time to reach there...

these is the exact place we will built the camp as shown in the pic above...PULAU PINANG
Dive Site # 10. Submerged Wreck
Located 40 feet below surface, this wreck is carpeted with corals and sponges. Reef fish including groupers and snappers as well as a variety of moluscs including cowries, helmet shells and spider shells plus an array of hermit crabs live in the deeper areas of the ship.

so... thats mean i will miss 2 grand events on the same day...my's wedding day and also kak lisa besday.. i am so sorry... i guess i cant turn back anymore... this time i willingly take the blame and anything.. to ease this guilty feeling.. and.. nothing to say.. no more.

Impossible or Mmm...possible

Oh... please someone help me! im totally in dilemma rite now.. dunno which one i shud choose.. which one is the best... which way is the safest... which one is right... ooo god... help me.. what shud i do? i wish i can split my body into two.. really. i really mean that.. coz if im not, someone will get hurt because of me... thats really really really hard decision to make.. this life so unfair to me at this moment.. how come i need to choose either one or i lose it..

the first choice.. its about my trip to Pulau Redang, from 30th April till 3rd May... this trip was planned more than one month ago...yoe invited me and settle everything for me.. he's the one who brought up this to me and asked me going with him.. excitedly i said yes, i want to.. beside im the only guy he knew, he said that.. others, all girls and strangers. and i know, this is the only chance i have for now... moreover i never been there before and its been along time i have been nowhere... so i guess this is the time for me to go somewhere and have fun... about the fee, it will get burn if im not join this trip, but thats ok.. its not a big deal for me.. my heart is really into it until this came up today... bout the second choice...

...My's wedding day on 3rd May... i juz knew it today from my friend and of coz she invited me by sms a weeks ago without told me the exact date... oowwwh geez.. for me, she's my best friend after all, i taught i made promised to her not long time ago, either she remembered or not... thats my promised afterall. and sadly, she kept her promised to me that she will married this year. she's really nice to me.. make me laughed for all this time.. she's the best.. if im not able to be there, how im supposed to explain to her... what im gonna said to her... can i said tat im going to have fun by myself somewhere.. and thats totally mental and thats also the truth! so selfish.. so mean.. so unacceptable... so unforgivable. and im not going to lie to her.. not a chance.. even if i did explain, will she listen to me, will she believe me, will she forgive me for not being there.. once in a lifetime, and i cant make it.. what kind of friend am i? and it will haunted me as long as this friendship still goin on and on.. im really want to explain and apologize.. but im afraid. and i dont think im able to do that.. i really owed her a big apologize.. hope she know how hard for me to decide.. and it was happened in unexpected way.. its really out of my mind..

for my friends sake... please tell me what im gonna do..
i guess its hard to satisfy everyone.. even i tried may best...

Rice Porridge

Delicious and delightful.. i love rice porridge, but mostly i prefer chicken rice porridge. so this is new recipe i got form kak ku by my requested. and the picture above just for deco which is i got it from flickr, sapa punye x ingat. neways thanks. so, as usual, make sure all the ingredients all set, ur pan, cooking pot and ur kitchen is ready... huhu~~

*BAHAN A*
2 CAWAN BERAS-------------DITUMBUK/KISAR
12 CAWAN AIR

*BAHAN B*
BWG MERAH 2 ULAS>>>>>>>
BWG PUTIH 2 ULAS>>>>>>>>(DITUMBUK LUMAT)
HALIA 1/2 INCI>>>>>>>>>>

*BAHAN C*
CARROT 1/2 BATANG-------------------------
UBI KENTANG 1 BIJI-----------------------------(POTONG DADU)
LOBAK MASIN KUANTITI SUKAHATI-------
BIJI HALBA 1/2 SUDU KECIL
SANTAN 1 KOTAK KECIL
UDANG/DAGING 100GRM
GARAM SECUKUP RASA
1 SUDU KECIL LADA HITAM-------TUMBUK HALUS

*BAHAN D*
DAUN KARI SETANGKAI
BAWANG MERAH SEULAS
MYK 1 SUDU BESAR

*BAHAN E*(HIASAN)
DAUN SUP
CILI POTONG


CARA MEMASAK:
**************
1)-MASAK BAHAN A----LEBIH KURANG 15 MIN
2)-MASUKN BAHAN B.
3)-MASUKN BAHAN C--MASAK HNGGA 20 MIN(JIKA AIR KURANG + LG SKIT)-TUTUP API
4)TUMIS BAHAN D------MASUKN DLM BUBUR YG SIAP MASAK TU.
5)BAHAN E--------------HIRIS UTK HIASAN

P/S DAH SIAP PUN.KLU NK MKN DGN SAMBAL TUMIS KE,SERUNDING KE,KARI KE IKUT SUKA LE.

BERAS DITUMBUK UTK CPTKN PROSES MEMASAK NI. KLU X, SIAP LE TNGGU SMPI SATU JAM.KDG LEBIH.

tadaa~~ its done and ready to eat... anytime u want.

Just Another Story in Another Day

There's nothing but there's something. drop by, write sumthin and off im go... it was quater past midnight already and i juz comeback from mid valley megamall... still tired and exhausted.. its been a long time i wasnt there.. i tot this is the first time in 2008.. nahh i don remembered. but thats ok.. not a big issue. it wasnt planed anyway.. yoe juz comeback from office around 5.30pm and asked me to go out while im busy in chatroom, hehe~~... then juz shoot any shopin places around here... and then, mid valley was the top one. only for one reason... to buy double A batteries.. muahaha~~ what a twisted head??

luckily, it wasnt raining today, juz not yet! so we rushed to commuter station.. its took around 20 minutes and i arrived there... so much changed! im quite shocked at first... theres a new building opened, dunno when juz across the flyover from the midvalley, named the garden, dun care about it first.. coz we both too hungry... makan time! nak makan punya la susah, memilih betul si yoe nie.. last2 masuk pizza hut.. perghh, duit poket dh la kempis.. ajak mkn menda alah ni plak.. well its okay if he pay first.. huhu~~ actually, once for year ok la kot nk mkn pizza hut nie.. ekeke~~ bukan apa, really hate it when i need to pay for the services charged, the services it not much compare to the price! dun you guys think so?

so, happily i walked out and headin nowhere... but theres an event is going on at the centre court.. so i juz joined up the crowded... i tot it was fashion show. but it was totally wrong... i was handbag show.. Che Che, from New York. but i get a little confused here, the fashion is much prominent than the handbags itself... well, who am i to give a words.. ida nerina was there... shes like sexy naughty bitchy.. muehehe~~ still lookin gud.. so i juz enjoy the show till the end..

and for the first time, i walked in to the garden. its pretty big.. nice.. but not so many people.. we went to borders bookstore... looking for some books.. and i bought 2 books.. but the thing is.. instead yoe dun like the book i want, he picked and choose that books liked he want to read it.. and i paid for it and im the one who will read it later! it was really unacceptable.. ahhh dun really get it! i have no idea where he got that such exert idea.. and i juz let it be.. i didnt opened it yet.. even still dunno the title of the book.

as i enter the jusco, it was already 10pm.. juz half an hour left to buy a thing... juz wanna buy a pair of cloth. shirt and short, the greeny and striking one was so attractive.. and i bought it! hehe.. well if u dunnoo.. its for my trip a week ahead. i tot i already wrote those story.. hehe~~ juz so excited bout tat... sowwie~~

o-oh... the main objective totally was forgotten... it was detoured too far...haha~~ no excuses for tat.. small matter though. and i was 10.40pm, so we need to wait last train which is will be arrived at 11.12pm + 6 mins delay.. i hate it.. i hate waiting without doin nothin... but the funny thing happened.. but can i laugh first... muahaha~~ sorry.. i can hold it anymore... well there was a guy from another side... he came in front of me and gave me a waved like he knew me.. but the prob is, i really dun no him... so i juz looked around for double check if he waved sumone else.. undoubtedly it was me... but i dun give tat shit.. i dun waved back. why do i need to do tat.. i dun no him for sure.. so i juz laughed, i dun mean to be rude.. but it juz happened and i knew he damn embarrassed... miahaha~~

well, on the way back.. we still have enough time to grab some bubur ayam mcd and french fries... i guess my stomach still need to be filled... hehe~~ so, thats my day. simple, easy and happy go lucky.. lots of laugh...

All Brand New

Ermm... i guess thats it! so this is the result after spent my whole two nights of my boring weekend to customize and touched up here and there.. fuh~~ i can say i like it for now.. if i dont i will change it again and again later... of coz i will, may be not tomorro but a year after..hehe~~ its not hard to do this stuff actually... but its not my habit.. so it take a whole night for me to do so.. im not the hacker or blog geek person.. im juz guydacosta afterall... neways, thanks to delang and niezam... if not both of them... this thing never existed in the first place... everything in here because of ur tutors and guide.. thanks dude.. ok.. later. chow~~

Coconut Milk Tom Yam

Cooking time! yay... i like it. ermmm do i?? haha~~ watever... ok puan2 sekalian... sediakan kuali periuk belanga apa semua... kita masak2 hari ni.. miahaha~~ actually i got this recipe from kak ku... and thanks to her. well for now i keep it first till i get home or i get my own kitchen.. huhu~~ i taste it a few time and i really like it.. so why do you guys try your own...

The ingredients:

1 1/2 CAWAN PATI SANTAN
2 CAWAN SANTAN CAIR
2 BATANG SERAI------------------ (dititik & potong 5cm)
3 INCI LENGKUAS MUDA------------ (dihiris)
3 ULAS BWANG MERAH-------------- (diketuk/dititik)
3 ULAS BWANG PUTIH-------------- (diketuk/dititik)
500 GRM AYAM-------------------- (dipotong kecil)
5-6 CILI PADI------------------- (dititik)
5 HELAI DAUN LIMAU PURUT-------- (disiat)
2 SUDU BESAR SOS IKAN
3 SUDU BESAR JUS LIMAU NIPIS
GARAM,GULA--------------------(secukup rasa)

How to do it???
Firstly, Jerang/didihkan santan, air dengan garam, gula, serai, lengkuas, bawang merah dan bawang putih hingga mendidih.

Then, masukkan ayam dan masak dengan api sederhana.

Pastu plak... Bila ayam empuk, masukkan cili padi, sos ikan, jus limau dan pati santan.

Make sure JANGAN biar ia terlalu lama mendidih. Hias dengan daun ketumbar dan daun bawang, jika suka.

ACTUALLY, TOMYAM NI ADE BYK LG BAHAN2NYA. LEH GAK TAMBAH CARROT, SALERI, BUNGA, KOBIS, DAGING, SOTONG, UDANG and apa-apa saja...

so thats it! easy rite... nanti kalu ada recipe lain.. i will post it.. may be my fabret only kot! but dun you worry.. i love most all the foods.. ekeke~~

p/s: i just copy and paste from kak ku nyer cook book.. huhu~~ thanks again kak ku.

Sunyi...

Sunyi itu indah,
Seindah hidup ini,
keindahan yang tiada seindah ungkapannya.

Sunyi itu damai,
Sedamai malam ini,
Kedamaian yang telah lama dicari.

Sunyi itu asyik,
Seasyik alunan ini,
Keasyikan yang membelai setiap detik.

Sunyi itu sepi,
Sesepi hati ini,
Kesepian yang menjadi teman hidup ini.

Sunyi itu aku,
Aku yang masih di sini,
Setia menanti, mengharap hadirnya sunyi.

...
Dan sunyi itu hilang,
Hilanglah keindahan,
Hilanglah kedamaian,
Hilanglah keasyikan,
Hilanglah kesepian,
Lenyaplah aku.

Once Is Not Enough!

After 2 days being like zombies... but zombies supposed not to feel pain, i guess.. i decided to go out for moment... anywhere but not here.. juz wanna breath with fresh air.. juz lookin around and hangin around... even by myself.. its ok. at least i have time for myself... thats what most people hardly can do nowadays.. but not me!

So i went to alamanda... i can say once a week i been there now... may be more than that.. once i arrived, gladly i walked in to MPH store... lately, part of me love to read sumthin which is never existed before.. i wondered why? i knew, for some peoples.. book is their best friend.. they spent alots of time together.. but not for me.. i used to dislike books.. ermm may be books doesnt have any taste like food... haha~~ at least i got my own reason..

well, for beginner like me.. i read some mags.. then some kind of books... novel, romance... ewww and motivation... also cook books, light reading one.. not the heavy one like fiction or history, i will not tortured my brain with tat kind of stuff... i spent there more than an hour... grabs more than 10 books and put it back... want to buy, but sadly i dont bring enough money.. huhu~~ may be i'll buy one next week.. no promises. then my stomach start to make a grumbling sound like grrr and still pain... its empty actually.. nothin comes in only comes out... i lost the taste of food so thats why i havent eat yet.. its not tasty at all...


with no choice.. i went to ayamas... i thought i was there before, once.. but nevermind, there not so many people there.. may be once is not enough as the ayamas slogan said... huhu~~ i ordered some rice with black pepper chicken and soft drinks... and bubur gandum. whats that??? try lah dulu... it cost me rm15... enuff to cover my meal for whole day... huhu~~

even i didnt start eatin yet, but my stomach feel like its oready full.. and still sicks a little bit... but its juz a lie, i know tat so i forced myself to eat it! Alhamdulillah i finished it. all of it.. then i juz sitting there.. waiting... and then i start to look at people who passing by and goes up and down with the escalator... the boring view to stare with so many sort of people... and bla bla bla... then, as usual, went to carefour to grab some foods for few days ahead... huhu~~ so, back to room time... ooo really hate this moment...

so that is.. what a bored story... but thats my life.. bear with it!

Weekend On Bed

What a pain??? its pain for real...its pain... not pantene, not painting! juz pain.. pain to death. ooo its really pain day.. pain night... pain person... and thats me! my stomach is pain or we called it stomach ache... feel like my stomach wanna explode in anytime... ooo its hurt... no word can describe such a pain... no feeling to tell how pain i am... nothing... its juz pain.

its been a long time im not that sick.. not sick enuff until im juz lay down my death meat for such a long time... 2 days.. that my whole weekend... arrghhh... my weekend was filled with pain... thats was very very very unacceptable... thats terrible which is i will remembered it for my whole life (may be... if this things still exist in forth day and on).

well i dun really get it. why i got this stomach ache. it juz happen in the wrong time.. wrong place... wrong day... wrong person... it shud not be me.. shud be sumone else.. not me.. huhuhu~~ i have no idea... but while im write this.. my stomach is still in pain... and not very comfortable...

got the msg from iza that morning... but i have no energy left to reply... and even not enuff to read that sms... coz im buzy with this fighting... im figthing this pain.. and then i lost.. then again, my phone buzz... another sms from her.. it sound a little different.. but what i can do... the pain take the control of my body... pain after pain... gave me no chance to rest.. again that evening, got sms for the same person.. but still no reply... the sms sound totally different.. and make me smile in pain.. what the heck she think??? im clueless.. but this time i read it... and then i reply afraid if she lost in her translation... at least i can still smile even im in pain...

well for sure, may be that sms make me smile for a little while... still have my friend remembered me... and worried bout me.. even i told her not to worry coz i juz in pain.. not more than tat. if she read this by any chance, later or sooner... that im really really thanks for everything.. im the worst of all.. she never did anything wrong.. im the one... i'll never do that again, i'll never treat you like that again.. she's the best... and its eating me up from inside my heart, you asked me again and again the same question which is the easiest thing, the very simple thing and the thing that friend should do often... but i cant.. dun know why.. and im so sorry. im really am. its not wat u think... i want to, but there still a litlle bit inside of me that said no.. may be i need more time.. i guess.. hope u still there when i ready for that. dont leave me in pain...

... and the pain still continues...

p/s.. how many pain actually in this post??? and its show how much pain i am...

Ready to Read

Reading? was that fun? ask urself... for me, its depends on the situation... thats my guess. not my answer. coz i dont have an answer yet. frankly speaking, i dunno how to answer that coz im not much in reading.. may be im the one who didnt read at all.. geezz is that bad? am i the worst?? hey.. dun judge me by my reading... judge the book that make me so boring... muahaha~~

okay, here the stories... u know wat? im juz finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows... is that amazing?? do you believe me?? i guess u not.. but that ok.. i'm juz finished it. this book i bought it not long time ago, may be fortnight back then for my oldest niece.. so i kept lookin at it everyday until i get bored and tried to read it a couple times.. but that doesnt work.. may be wrong timing and wrong situation...

actually, i kind of amazed by myself to be able finished that 700 and more pages of book. huhu~~ btw, i got the bad and gud news. i go for the bad first... the bad news... its took a week for me to finish read this book. huhu~~ and the good news.. it was malay edition.. with title Harry Potter dan azimat maut, but the language kind of weird.. certain part i dont understand at all and some words i never knew it was existed in malay language..its funny thing i guess and juz leave it undefined.. and i need to refer back and forth to english version which is i have it in my computer. so, thats why it tooks me a week to finish it.. so i know the story oready. huhu~~ but im still patiently waiting for the movies though... may be next year. juz wait till then.

but after that, i kept reading some other books... plus i got the whole time in the world rite now... if i have money, there is a high chance i went to travel all around the world.. to NY city, Paris, Rome and watever u called.. muahaha~~~ berangan la ko jan oit..

well for now, i read this one... Man from Mars, Women from Venus... its motivation book.. reading still in progress.. so no comments..

Trust No One... But Yourself!

How do i start this??? ermm after couple days of my devastated life... i spent most of the time with myself... get some grips... lean back.. and stand still on the ground! dun wanna fly too high this time.. coz it hurt so much went i fall back... nevertheless u ready for that... ceh, cakap mcm bagus jer... well its not my situation... im juz being backstab by sumone.. ouchh.. its hurt so gud.. from ur back through ur spine and end up to ur heart... how does it feel?? ummph.. wanna try??

forget bout that... im totally fine. much better... never been better.. but i feel so empty... how do i describe this.. really dunno... urgh.. why im keep dragging into this situation... dun really want to think about it... it will get harder and harder..

i really dun get it.. whats wrong? whats the prob?? i used to be careful.. but this time, i loose it.. and i never saw it comin.. its like the flash of light, yup the strike of lightning.. zuppp.. its happen juz like that... and one man down.. probably it was me. haha~~

trust.. dunno either i can give it to anyone or not. may be not anymore... im not afraid if these thing happen again and again.. if i lose thats and thats, but what i care the most is... this feeling get hurt..

owww shit... how do i ended up wrote sumthin like this... sorry, i lost my mind... its my head fault... like being unconscious for awhile, but im not gonna erase this.. actually i wanna wrote sumthin else.. sumthin interesting though.. not this creepy writing.. huhu~~

see u in the next one.. not rite now.. but sometimes later when im wanna do so.. huhu~~

It Wasn't Me!!!

You know what?? For past few days... i was being somebody else... somebody that i really dunno... he changed me.. absolutely for being bad person... argghh i really dont remember how was i looked at that time... it must be so cruel... ohh noo.. i really want forget this things... its crazy and sound so ridiculous.. but its so true.. and i really desperate.. really lost in this maze.. and how i am supposed to explain this? i really think i cant except if you was me at that time... oohh why the absurd keep comin..

But.. i was so happy though.. dunno where the strength came from... i got all the guts for the first time of my life to do the exact thing that i wanted to do... at the exact moment i wanted to do. and of course afterwards im felt so glad... kind of interesting thing..its no excuse for for what i've done.. but whos care? ohh its cruel and im not like that... i dont seem like the kind of person who do that.. it juz happen.. dowh~~ what am i talking about??

anyway.. i'll not let the past tortured myself for years to come... not any chance... goodbye yesterday...

Coldplay - Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what your worth"

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

~~I Love this song sooo much~~

Regretss... No Lah!

Walla... as i promised to myself... i went out to Alamanda again.. not to shoppin but to watch a cinema the whole day... i brought 4 coupons.. that mean i can get 8 free tickets for 4 different movies for both of us.. so enjoy... no more pressure... no more tension and compression... and i have my right to do whatever i think i shud.. im free like a bird... im glad... im happy... nothing left to regret.. not a tiny little bit. i guess im rite after all..

So citer nyer kt sini... aku layan movie sampai mlm... gelak2 dalam tu... kutuk2 orang dalam tu... maki2 org yg buat bising dalam tu... maklum ler... wayang free.. siap bleh kuar masuk wayang suka hati nk tgk citer apa...

Resign... But Not Give In!

Im soooo fucked up... totally not in the mood.. still the same after 4 days... and today is the ultimate... everythings was blamed onto me... how come??? i really lost my word to explain... and i still deeply calm.. i know.. once i act and open my mouth.. everyone will be blamed... so juz let me take all of it.. lagi pon mmg aku nk berambus.. dari tgk muka yg kotor lagi jijik tu... nk herdik ke.. marah ke.. tuduh ke.. so what?? nothing to care!

Dia tu memang cam sial, celaka.. anak haram... apa yg ku buat, semuanya salah... padahal dia jugak yg dapat hasilnya.. kalu nk ikutkan hati memang tak sudah aku nk maki budak laknat tu... geram dihati hanya tuhan yg tau.. so kt sini biarlah semuanyer tercoret... tercalar.. terhambur semua kata dusta nista... x sanggup nk simpan lelama.. buat kotor hati ni jer.. then i can relax... stay calm and be cool...

im try my best to hide everything... i know, outside i look soo mad... but inside, my heart was crying.. soo fragile... it was torn into pieces.. how come they did this to me?? what in the world they think i am?? did i do sumthin wrong?? i never.. now, i felt the world was so cruel to me... i know i can do nothin... and the best is.. resign from everything. didnt mean to run away... but everyone will be happy if i did.. so let it be. and i felt so relief... no more burden.. no more charge.. no more mistake... no more blame... no more revenge.. its end! thanks Allah...

no more hard feeling i guess.. im much better.. better than yesterday. guess this the right thing to do from the start..

and the important things.. i learn sumthin.. even i wished and hope it not happen again... but i know.. the far i go.. the more challenging.. the tough it is.. i aware of that.. but for now.. my heart seems to be not so much prepare.. not yet ready.. but im grown from this bitter sweet experience..

today is the last day im here.. after a few couple hour i made up my mind.. so tomorrow i'll be gone.. never want to come here again... this sweet place become my horrible dream to me... i guess that its... yosh.. esok pi layan movie free lagi for the whole day... ku kan lepas kan semua yg tebuku di hati ini... biar lah ianya menjadi mimpi semalam.. kutinggalkan semuanya disini... biarlah ianya menjadi satu kenangan yg pahit namun berguna utk ku di masa hadapan... wahaha~~~
da~~~