Diari Ramadhan 3

Alhamdulillah, berjaya gak habiskan 8 rakaat solat sunat terawih mlm ke-22, walaupun kaki sakit terketar2 menahan sakit... sampai mengalir air mata ni. sakit nyut2. ya allah ampunkan lah daku, kerana kelemahanku, kesakitanku mengganggu kekusyukan dalam mencari redhaMu. ampuni lah dosa2ku ya allah. semoga cepat lah ilang sakit ni agar dapatku meneruskan ibadatku kepadaMu seperti sediakala.

aritu xkhusyuk sebabteringatkan si dia, haih~~~ so terpaksa kurangkan berwassup and whatsoever... tp bila x wassup, hati kan main merindu... terbayang2 di mata, fikiran lagi la melayang2... ya Allah, jauhkan aku dari mainan perasan ini.

mendamba cintaMu.

My Mom > Breaking News

adoiyaa my mom... i told her to make it secret dulu, lay down. tp disebabkan dianyer over xcited.. semua org dia kasi tau.. ini pon aku baru tau dari my sis. tgh2 sms, dia bilang x sabo2 nk anto rombongan. terkejut gak la dibuatnyer..tp syukur, semua org terima dengan hati terbuka my lady choice. hehe.

thats why lah aku terima mis call from my dad sejak dua menjak nie... bila aku tya ada apa dia senyap je, ada tu dia suruh topup kan no nyer. aku tgh cycling pon dia col... ada tu aku dh pi terawih dia col.. so balik dr terawih aku col balik tya ayah kol ke tdi... tya lg ada apa ayah? dia ckp xde pepe.. aku just tya khabar la.. and then bagi salam. hang up.

agaknya dia nk aku ckp kt dia about that lh.. tp its better with face to face. nanti jan balik jan cakap la kt ayah.. ayah sabar ye. jan pun sabar nie. hehe...

Diari Ramadhan 2

Sedey tol tgk anak2 muda skrg ni, bukan setakat anak muda, bapak org pun sama... nape la susah sgt nk puasa. ari ni aje ntah berapa org dok ulang alik beli air. padahal baru kol 3 ptg. sampai masuk kedai xbukak pn helmet, nk cover muka punyer pasal... yg ada wiser langsung x angkat.. xpun pakai tuala tekup mulut.. mcm2 ragam. langsung xde perasaan malu la diorang nie.. nk marah pun ada..

ada jugak aku tya, nape x puasa? xbangun sahur bang, jawab nyer. alahai, setakat xkejut sahur..mmg xleh terima la alasan nie. ada tu jawab ala keje la bang, panas. keje apa? masak2 lauk nk tolong member punye pasal, sampai x pose. kalu mcm ni baik xyah keje. lgsg x berkat rezki tu..

apa nk jadi la wahai saudara seagamaku..

Ya Allah, terimalah amalanku, berkati lah daku.

Diari Ramadhan

Dh nak masuk 10 terakhir ramadhan... harap2 semua amalan diterimaNya. tapi agak sedih, bila pi masjid tuk terawih, masjid semakin lengang.. dari penuh tinggal separuh, sekrang ntah berapa saf je yg tinggal.agaknye semua sibuk shopping, but not busy to worshipping Allah. for me alhamdulillah, tahun ni terawih stil penuh.. quran pun tinggal dlm 10 juz lagi.. insyaAllah sempat khatam. so masuk 10 mlm terakhir harap2 dpt tingkatkan amalan.. semoga mendapat kerberkatan dan keampunan dariNya. Amin.

Jom tingkatkan amalan. 

Sketsa Hidup 3

Suatu petang di bulan puasa, sedang asyik aku mendengar bacaan alquran, datang seorang pakcik naik moto parking betul2 depan kedai, melambai tangan... aku buat tak tau je.. kenal pun idak, bagi salam jauh skali.. pastu skali lg dia melambai.. aku keheranan, dia ni xleh turun dr moto ker apa.. aku pun bgn la datang dekatnye.. nape pakcik? selamba aku btanya... dia jawab, mintak ic. aku pun katalh, nk buat apa ngan ic saya pakcik, sy xbleh bg kat sebrangan org, ic tu hak sy. dia agak tersentak, awak xtau ke sy ni sapa, ntah jawab aku ringkas, sy polis.. mmg dh terdetik dlm hati aku, saja je aku buat tak tau.. hehe.. dh tu encik nk buat apa ngan ic saya, sy ada buat salah ke? dia pun mula turun dr moto.. awak xnak bg lah ic kat saya.. gentaknye. xde, sy nk tau je.. ic ada kt dlm, kejap la saya gi amik. jwb aku malas nk melawan.

lepas hulur ic, dia pn cakap, sy nk awak berterus terang dengan saya, saya ada dengar aduan awak ada jual mercun. kali ni aku yg mengucap panjang, astarfirullah.. dari sapa encik dengo tu? boleh encik bawak org tu ke mari, sy pn nk tau sapa buat fitnah tu.. dia terdiam. agaknyer dia main belasah aje sebut kan.. ckp pun x serupa bikin, cam ne aku nk hormat.. dia tya lg utk kepastian dan masih gertak aku, awak ada tgk paper hari ni, dh ramai sy tangkap org dan saman sebab jual ngecun.. giler glamer la tu.. haha.. aku pn bersumpah la dengan nama allah. berani kerna benar.. and aku pun ckp la.. kalu 3 thn lepas sy ada la jual, tp sekrg xde dh.. ngecun pop2 yg mydin jual pn sy xde jual... kalu dia geledah kedai aku mati la.. stok ngecun 3 thn lepas pn ada lagi kt dlm... haha.

lepas puas gertak aku, dia pon beralih topik... awak bukak cyber ada lesen x? xde jwb ku ringkas.. berani awak ye katanya lg.. xde lh berani sgt, tp sy nk berniaga.. sy bukak la.. dh tu encik nk saman jugak ke, bukan ke encik saman org jual ngecun je.. tya aku. xde sy nk buat repot je, nanti ada la org dtg check. kalu mcm tu ikut encik lah.. jwb aku. dh mls nk layan. ntah apa merapu dia ni.. walaupun dlm hati hya tuhan yg tau..

dh tu siap mintak kertas ngan aku lg.. encik nk buat apa plak kertas nie.. nk tulis nama kamu laa.. adess buku nota pon xde polis nie.. sengket sgt ke.. dh bg ic boleh lagi tya nama aku, aku tya balik, encik xde spek mata ke.. hehe.. sementara dia dok tulis aku pn berbual lh mcm biasa.. tya dia dr mana and duk mana.. asal mana.. hurmm.. lepas tu dia tya lagi, sebelum ni xde ke polis dtg.. aku ckp xde. kalu ada pn, org menyamar check mesin judi ada lah.. kata aku.. aku tya lgi, betul ke ni urusan polis.. bukan ke majlis perbandaran.. dia cakap ada lah geng seven.. ntah apa geng seven pun aku xtau.. byk kali gak la dia dok ulangkan.. sebelum dia pergi dia masih lagi tya aku, betul ni awak nk sy buat repot? aik aku keheranan.. nape plak ditya aku.. nk suruh aku hulur ke? jgn harap la.. aku pun ckp la.. terpulang la kepada encik.. baiklh kalu mcm tu sambil berlalu pergi dgn hampa agaknye..

naik moto sempat lagi dok membebel, kesian kt org lain, bukak cyber dh berbelas2 kali kena saman, awak sekali pon xpernah pn ye.. aku diam je.. mls nk menjawab. biar lah dia..

hurmm kat dunia ni boleh la dia nk ckp apa pun, mendabik dada, berlagak spt dia yg berkuasa.. aku bukak cyber tu haram ke? nape nk sekat rezki aku plak.. aku harap dia jalankan tugas ngan adil dh la.. jgn sampai kt akhirat aku dtg tuntut ngan dia sudah..

xpasal2 aku keresahan... harap2 cepat la aku pindah balik kg..

He Still My Dad

I went home last week, but the atmosphere totally different, not the same it used to be. so gloomy, everyone in my family is so tense, so depressed. and everyone got long face and tired too. i know its my dad. he is kinda out of control, if u look at him now, 100%  u will say "that guy is crazy". even my bro and sis said he is insane. im sick and sad with this situation. almost every year he went 'berserk'. 

no one can stop him, no one dare to say something to him... and even u not, u still got scolded. he take an anger out of him to crash and smash something. i was there, and suddenly he kicked out the chair and smash it with parang, and blabbering out of something he mad off. everyone silent and doing nothing and stop talking. i was surprised and shocked. out of the blue. what the heck he is thinking. 

my bro told me he danced in front of everyone, and sometime turn on the radio out of loud. every corner of the kampung totally will hear it. usually he will listen to bollywood songs. he will not sleep at night and woke up everyone in the house to make them listening to what he is going to say, the same thing over and over again. all the lights in and outside the house is on and the car headlights too. with the high beam he projected to neighbours houses. the worst he will go around the kampung and knock the neighbours house at 2 oclock in the morning. what a shame! the blame goes all to my family.

and sometime he spent alot. he take all the sales money and buy anything like machines, scoops that he called a guitar and whatever he like. also give to people he love to. free money for everyone. its the money my 3 brothers working on their asses. 

the way he was driving is totally reckless and dangerous. usually 160-170km/h. he goes around and around till late evening. and the car is full with pieces of shit and trashes.

im ashamed of it, but still he is my dad. and that is the result of the sihir. we knew it, we tried to cure but still not good enough.

to Allah we put our hope and hope the one who make whatever my dad looked like a crazy person is repent for the wrong being. 

Happy Fasting 1434

Syukur ke hadrat Ilahi, sekali lagi bertemu dengan bulan yang penuh keberkatan. Alhamdulillah. hope this year much better than last year.. harap2 terawih penuh thn nie... hehe. puasa pun penuh. of coz la kan. no reason not to.

juz pesan buat diri sendiri, tingkatkan amalan, perbyakan sedekah... bykkan bersabar... semoga semua nye berjalan dengan lancar dan mendapat keberkatan dariNya. amin

jom sahur dulu.

is it love?

Alhamdulillah, everything was clear for now. i take a very first step to tell her that i want her to be the one and completed me. so relief, like the load i've been kept for so damn loong was lifted... what a feeling. though i was ready if being rejected.. like im having in my dream and keep hunting me for those years... and becoz of that dream i have once in awhile keep me from tell her that i want her and need her to be my side, i was chicken out before i take an action.. prick! and the 2nd reason, its my financial. its sucks. what a shame!

2 years.. that the time i set to strengthen my financial and whatsoever. hope i can make it short. im old u know. and i dun wanna make her wait for that long.. after that, ready or not, i will go with the flow.. hope she still with me by that time.

now it juz left my heart keep beating like a dab dib dub... like its gonna explode any time soon. im over excited. guess i cant sleep for tonite too. and im smiling like an idiot.

Friends Everywhere

No more hiding, no more feeling guilty, no more alone and lonely... thats what i decided. so i re-activated myself  in my 2nd fb account with my real name. walla!! found my friends everywhere... from my primary school, secondry school, colleague and university and more and more...i just add them one by one. and its make me happy. well most of them happily married with kids, im grateful for them and kinda jealous.. just a little bit. well for me im still searching for the other half of me.

and now im starting my online business thru fb. its a good start. and maintaining it will be challenging. thats good. well hope see u soon. enfin.

p/s: my last posts seem ridiculously short, not bother to elaborate or explaining. just stick to the point since the time is running... :))