I Need Someone...

Once again after such long long time, my tears flows out, i cried on my bed alone. its not what i wanted but it happened. im not ashamed and no one to blame. its just me. lately im feel blue out of sudden. thinking of this kind of lonely life ive been through. its 3.00 am, tried to sleep but my eyes wont.. my brains kept recollecting the past memories... and then i realized my love life is so empty, there is alot empty spaces which i wasted for all these years.. my tears just burst out, non stop and i just let it be..

and after awhile when i came to my sense i reached out my phone, kept scrolling down the contact list from A-Z and from 0-9, but no one to call or sms.. and no one that i can rely on when i such in need. i only got salesman no and a few no that i not use anymore.. no friend no one. yup im alone and the loneliest guy in the planet. then my eyes just capsized with my own tears again...i just wish someone was here to comfort me and be with me rite now... doing nothing just to stare at.. and fall in love. and color my life.

then my memories rolling back when i still at school, i got my eyes on some girls i like, but ive done nothing. no action no game. just looking from far and hide my feeling deep inside when im with her. too afraid to step up. and then its gone. evaporating and drying. its so hard for me. and myself make it harder. and sometimes a few girls maybe, try to approach me and try to ask me and make me hers, but i resisted without  guilty. i never gave her a chance to explain and i just act nothing happen and put a walls between us.. how cruel i can be.. how stupid i was.. im such a faggot! at least i should listen to her and give it a try..

i really dont understand, what am i afraid of? hurt?  its okay to hurt and be hurt.. sometimes yeah. commitment? i dunno.. i never take the risk.. i always play safe. im scared to commit something in my life.  oh geez, please. what the hell im doing... in my current state i know im not going nowhere, not going further and i will never move on. what im waiting for??? 

i drowned in the endless night...and ive been long longing for someone. i really need someone to talk to.. anyone.

Its Not Safe & Unsound

oo dang! im scared to death... unbelievable and undeniable. the shop next row just got robbed! aww man thats crazy! its happen a minute later after i open my shop. im dunno what to say man... my brain just freeze and scared the shit out of me.. the f*cking mugger just put the knife on the neck of the cashier, nothing much to do. just take the money and get the hell out there.. thinking of that make me wanna juz close my shop for couple nite in case not so many customer around.

i dunno, i just pray nothing bad happen to me. lots of my customer sharing a couple stories before, that shop and this shop got robbed, i just listen to them and in my heart just praying hope im save from that kind of thing. i guess i need to buy besball bat and be prepare for what may come. hopefully nothing bad happen though. 

and thanks to my sis coz told me to read abu darda dua and recite it every morning and nite. but until now i still dont remember, half to go. and its the best thing for me to do. pray to Allah.