My 1st Flight!

Yup, after 30 years im living, this is my first flight ever... From Terengganu to Kuala Lumpur on 23rd May, and From Kuala Lumpur to China on 24th May... historical moment of my life, please take note. :)), but the worst moment ever, im having diarrhea the whole day... shit happened! i spent 4 days and 3 night in China til im totally broke... well, wish i'll be there once again this year.. hehe.

I Need Lappy

I hardly can update my blog lately... its not i dont want to, its becoz i dont have any laptop. thee thee. laptop pinjaman sudah diambil oleh tuan punyer. so i only got pc at my counter with 32 inch screen. eh malu la nk update blog kt skrin besar2. x privacy gitu. ni pun curi masa 5 mins sebelum tido, sib baik la ada pc dlm bilik ni haa.. pc ni pon mcm dh uzur sgt.. its old and too slow.. i hate it but still useful la kot.. nk2 time cam nie haa..

last month i decided to buy zenbook.. but sadly no stock available at that moment. and becoz i need it by then so i just grabbed acer ultrabook. well its okay la.. but still i want the zen one. so frustrated. eh apa citer nie.. forget it.

so semua org dh bz balik kg tuk ngundi.. so am i. tp esok ptg baru balik kot. tetiba excited nk balik ngundi.. fyi, saya x pernah ngundi. hehe. so who am i gonna pangkah.. sapa yg bertanding pon aku xtau.. mmg x amik kisah pon pasal politik nie.. xde kesedaran lgsg. huh! well its my fault. guilty as charge! 

so thats it for now.. need some sleep. see ya later. 

Wind of Change

Now im feel so embarrassed about my last posting. thats why lah long time no update. hehe.. well well thats life. just go on. lots of  things happen but sadly no time to update. kinda busy with the real life lately.. need to work harder. i seriously need to improve my financial. and thats my goal for now. no bullshit.

something hit my head may be. suddenly i have objective in my life. something i really want to. hope its never too late. i have to change myself to be a better person. leave as much as the bad things behind. O Allah, please guide me all the way.

i dont know how long its gonna take.. but for now, just start it with slow and steady.. wasatiah is the best. its not easy to change, i tried a few times before but im lost.. and sometimes the result was worse than i used to be. it was backward and awkward moment in my life. :((

God I'm down here on my knees
Cause it's the last place left to fall
Beggin' for another chance 
If there's any chance at all
That you might still be listenin'
Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me

I've spent my whole life gettin' it all wrong
And I sure could use your help just from now on
I wanna be a good man
A do like I should man
I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see
I wanna be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong man
God I'm askin’ you to come change me
Into the man I wanna be 

If there's any way for her and me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in her heart
Cause it gonna to take a miracle
After all I've done to really make her see

That I wanna be a stay man
I wanna be a brave man
I wanna be the kind of man she sees in her dreams
God I wanna be your man
And I wanna be her man
God I only hope she still believes 
In the man I wanna be

Well I know this late at night that talk is cheap
But Lord don't give up on me yeah

I wanna be a givin' man
I wanna really start livin' man
God I'm askin’ you to come change me 
Into the man I wanna be

I Need Someone...

Once again after such long long time, my tears flows out, i cried on my bed alone. its not what i wanted but it happened. im not ashamed and no one to blame. its just me. lately im feel blue out of sudden. thinking of this kind of lonely life ive been through. its 3.00 am, tried to sleep but my eyes wont.. my brains kept recollecting the past memories... and then i realized my love life is so empty, there is alot empty spaces which i wasted for all these years.. my tears just burst out, non stop and i just let it be..

and after awhile when i came to my sense i reached out my phone, kept scrolling down the contact list from A-Z and from 0-9, but no one to call or sms.. and no one that i can rely on when i such in need. i only got salesman no and a few no that i not use anymore.. no friend no one. yup im alone and the loneliest guy in the planet. then my eyes just capsized with my own tears again...i just wish someone was here to comfort me and be with me rite now... doing nothing just to stare at.. and fall in love. and color my life.

then my memories rolling back when i still at school, i got my eyes on some girls i like, but ive done nothing. no action no game. just looking from far and hide my feeling deep inside when im with her. too afraid to step up. and then its gone. evaporating and drying. its so hard for me. and myself make it harder. and sometimes a few girls maybe, try to approach me and try to ask me and make me hers, but i resisted without  guilty. i never gave her a chance to explain and i just act nothing happen and put a walls between us.. how cruel i can be.. how stupid i was.. im such a faggot! at least i should listen to her and give it a try..

i really dont understand, what am i afraid of? hurt?  its okay to hurt and be hurt.. sometimes yeah. commitment? i dunno.. i never take the risk.. i always play safe. im scared to commit something in my life.  oh geez, please. what the hell im doing... in my current state i know im not going nowhere, not going further and i will never move on. what im waiting for??? 

i drowned in the endless night...and ive been long longing for someone. i really need someone to talk to.. anyone.

Its Not Safe & Unsound

oo dang! im scared to death... unbelievable and undeniable. the shop next row just got robbed! aww man thats crazy! its happen a minute later after i open my shop. im dunno what to say man... my brain just freeze and scared the shit out of me.. the f*cking mugger just put the knife on the neck of the cashier, nothing much to do. just take the money and get the hell out there.. thinking of that make me wanna juz close my shop for couple nite in case not so many customer around.

i dunno, i just pray nothing bad happen to me. lots of my customer sharing a couple stories before, that shop and this shop got robbed, i just listen to them and in my heart just praying hope im save from that kind of thing. i guess i need to buy besball bat and be prepare for what may come. hopefully nothing bad happen though. 

and thanks to my sis coz told me to read abu darda dua and recite it every morning and nite. but until now i still dont remember, half to go. and its the best thing for me to do. pray to Allah.