Sh0uLd i LaUGh? oR sHOuLd ! cRy?

Juz for sharing and nothing much to write as im juz wasting my time rite here, rite now… I shud go to bed already i guess but i had enuff slept this morning.. huhu.. wat a lazy bum? How shud I start? Ermmm… well, i juz recall one of the story tat my frenz share with me not long time ago… huhu~~ I hope he didn’t mad at me coz of this… cam ada orang lain baca selain bancik n kak lisa.. tu pon kalu diorang x busy.. huhu~~

Adeh.. cam ne nk citer nie.. cam susah la plak.. ye la.. topik pon cam boring jer.. of coz la its about luv.. plus, i’ve never been in love before.. no experience no gain… huhu~~ but, i love to hear bout that… macam2 story dh dengo… kekadang, boleh buat tersengih sesorang bila tingat semua tu.... hehe~~ kalu kisah cinta bancik tu… juz copy and paste je kot kt sini.. kui3… ada lagi dalam simpanan jan… tapi x full story la… lagipon jan baru je dengo dari mulut bancik.. dari mulut kak zue lom lagi.. huhu~~ ni kena dengo nie.. x leh jadi nie, kalu x, not fair la kan... kalu kak lisa lak... ermmm ada la skit2 kot... tapi boleh je kalu nk suruh jan bukak story tu... then, sapa lagi ek... ramai la.. huhu~~ cik sugus itam yg jatuh cinta dgn datuk A, B and C, miahaha~~ Si iza yg ada scandal dgn si H tu, muahaha~~ si ana yg fall in luv with ’sumbody’ and ’sumone’ tu, kuikuikui... si N yg menjejaki kekasihnya selama bertahun2... , si Z yang masih mengharap pada cinta pertamanya walau berkali2 dilukai... hikhikhik... my x-roomates yg casanova..... adeh.. pening2…

Adui.. susahnyer nk tulis... cam ni lah.. budak laki ni not sure he fall in luv or not… nk kata mengharap sesgt for tat gal tu idak la kot… ye la, cam nk kata hidung mancung tu x jugak, nk kata pipi tu ada lesung pipit tu.. lagi la x der… tapi boleh la tahan.. he quite shy guy.. malu bertempat la kot… ponpuan tu lak katanya, x de la lawa sgt, tapi bila hati dh berkenan.. semuanya jadi indah bila dipandang.. x ker gitu? kih3~~ wat i wandering is..
he still keep the promised that he made for last 10 years ago… and may be until today kot! he will never find another gal… waiting for tat gal… even dlm masa tu ada la jugak ponpuan lain menaruh hati padanya… but the gal status yet unknown… mungkin sudah berpunya atau mungkin belum…huhu~~
well, both of them wanna to concentrate on their study at first, and after 10 years (maknanya, tahun ni la result dia kuar… kwang3~~)… jika ditakdirkan mereka akan bertemu dan mengikat kembali kasih yang terjalin… kalu idak, bermakna berakhir sudah kisah mereka sepuluh tahun yang lepas… itu lah pesanan ponpuan tu kat dia.. and dlm masa tu, don’t ever. Never try to find or make a contact… that is wat tat gal said to him… even he afraid, if she broke the promise… plus, he knew that, ada laki lain cuba memikat tat gal… fuh.. kira2, cam tu la kot kisah diorang nie…
kalu jan la.. sanggup ke cam tu? Kui3~~
but, as I said, that guy tak de la mengharap… he will be fined and ready for any possibilities that might happen... and the important thing is, he stil keep his love with him, even not 100%.. may be 90%... huhu~~ so, after this he stil can fall in luv.. and free from any agreements… cam tu la kot… ermm kesian pon ada… tapi rasa mcm bengong pon ada gak.. sory la.. bukan nk mengata atau mengutuk... tapi.. ermm biar laaa…. Tu la, nabi pon pernah bersabda, jgn kamu suka menabur kata-kata manis (suka berjanji) sekiranya kamu tidak mampu menunaikannya, kerana hanya mereka yg bermulut celupar sahaja yg suka berbuat demikian… cam tu la kot lebey kurang.. kalu sesapa tau.. perbetulkan la ye…
Ermm itu aje la kot… cam x best lak citer nie… bukan apa, pengarang ni yg x reti nk mengulas kot.. kui3... sory la ye...

Anyone of Us (Stupid Mistake)

I've been letting you down, down
Girl I know I've been such a fool
Giving in to temptation
When I should've played it cool
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

[Chorus]
It can happen to..
Anyone of us, anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love
Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to..
Anyone of us, say you will forgive me
Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take my heart will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

She was kind of exciting
A little crazy I should've known
She must have altered my senses
'Cause I offered to walk her home
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

[Chorus]

A stupid mistake
she means nothing to me
(nothing to me)
I swear every word is true
don't wanna lose you

Juz HopiNg... waSn't EnuF!!!

Again and again... the same thing happened! and i juz dont realize... i feel so shame of myself... i'd broken someone heart into pieces.. frustrated... and its all bcoz of me! i make a silly mistake once again...never tot it happened in the nick of time... wrong time wrong place wrong situation..all the blame goes onto me... only me!

im totally lost... i lost to the situation that i'd been.. and never get thru of it... im stuck in there... tried to reach out.. tried to help myself... but i cant.. and then, i try to recall for someone and searching for help... but then, im drowning bcoz.. bla bla bla bla... kui3..
ntah apa la jan mengarut di pagi buta nie ye...huhu~~ juz forget it lah.. citer dh lapuk... bukan ada apapun... but juz for reminder buat jan...

in real life... real story.. real people... real world...thats so-called reality... when u hoping so much and you failed to reach for it... u'll feel so down at the end and the worst... ur alone, by urself to keep on livin... Alone in the dark! like the sun never shine for you... like the moon never bright for you... like the star never twink for you..like the day never appear for you... like no one gonna be by yourside til the end..juz alone!

u've grown by now! why dont u handle everything by urself! wake up my dear frenz...
forget me and forget everything... be the one like before! who r u? u r not one of us? u r not my family... u r no one for me.. what for???
suddenlly, theres a tears dropped from my eyes... im hurtin from inside... truly and deeply hurt!

dowh~~ i cant continue this nonsense.. what im thinking actually... huhu~~ may be i dropped down by this f*ck emotion and s*ck situation... ekekeke~~

neway.. citer kt atas tu x der kena mengena ngan sesapa kot.. like i said before juz for reminder... hope im nope hoping so much.. berharap lagi.. huhu~~

btw, Hepi anniversary to my lovely bro and sis... bancik and kak zue... semoga ikatan
yang terbina akan terus berkekalan dan diberkati olehNya... jan doakan semoga bancik dan kak zue serta famili senantiasa berada dlm lindunganNya... semoga kemesraan yang bertaut terus utuh dan kukuh x lapuk walau ditelan zaman... biarpun musim berlalu, hari berganti, namun.. cinta yg disemai terus bersemi hingga ke akhirnya...
eh bancik dpt adiah apa ek? x kasi tau kat jan pon.. dh tu senyum sesorang... hampeh tol.. abis tu bancik kasi apa je dekat kak zue.. huhu~~ sebuk je jan ni ye... hehe~~

and for kak lisa.. pak lah dh nk kawen pn.. kak lisa bila lagi.. kui3... tu la, ari tu pak lah offer buat2 jual mahal.. miahaha... ops.. jgn bersedey ye... cuba lagi taun depan.. mana tau kot2 pak lah nak cari no 2,3 or 4 ker... huhu~~ cam nk kena banned je blog ni..

and for me... keep on livin... whenever its up and down... even u r alone... even u r thrown away... even u r forgotten by everyone... juz believe in yourself!

tOo maNy t0 ReGreT...

Salam pembuka bicara...

Today is juz another sunny sunday (27th may) in my life... everything seems calm outside, but inside who knows... but i'm hepi as long as everyone beside me hepi... or may be happier... thats is the things i always try to keep on my mind... hope so.

juz in a few weeks, a lots of things happened, a few things solved and a thousand things juz gone and washed by... everything that happen for a reason... and i juz dun no why... sumtimes, i tried to figure it out... yet it still unknown... wat i can do is.. always try to look on the bright side and hope everything will be fined... not sooner may be later... thats life, full of hope...

Life... sumtimes, it can be easy and hard... depend on how we handle it... and my life, juz another story; different ways and the same thing with a few chapters and plots...
and today, after a long time i've been waiting for someone to talk and to share... suddenly come out and gave me a hope that i lost it a long time ago... even its not much, but it is more than what i hope... thanks coz being so sincere even it hurts... i will try to admit it even its bitter to swallow... and it is more painful than wat i tot.. that is the reality.. not so sweet as fantasy... that i always dreams of..
this whole time, i'm too afraid to face this life... and even now... afraid of sumthin that unreal.. afraid to lose... afraid to try... afraid to change... afraid of this world that i'd been living... and too many to write it down... and it makes me weak and weaker... not even get better... so shame huh?

life.. is full with questions.. but too few answers and choices... and bcoz of that, we need to explore... to experience... to expose.. to excite... and so on... and for me.. there is nothing much i did... from the start i did a mistake.. and the worst.. never learned from the mistake... even im afraid to face it alone.. im the one who always love to rely on.. to depend.. and try to blame on the others.. im such a coward.. i dun know when will i learned my lessons.. and until when my life will be like this... will it be forever?

and one of the question is... do i hav the plan in my life? wat is my target for the next 5 or 10 yrs? and sadly... the answer is none! so, what is the meaning i live in this world? i can say.. nothing... and until tonite, im stil lying here on my own to search the answer...

dOn't eXpEct t0o MuCh...

Previously on blog... ermm.. baca je la kat bawah tu... ni lak sambungannyer...huhu~~
so nothing much happened since then...tapi dalam hati.. sapa tau, sendiri punya hati.. sendiri jaga la kan... sendiri mau ingat...

oo ye.. sebelum tu.. semalam baru je tengok jangan pandang belakang bersama bancik, kak zue dan mijal... adeh, lomah jantung den dibuatnyer... bebenornya dh lama x tgk citer hantu nie... nak kata x suka tu x jugak... tapi tu la... kan terbawak2 dalam tido kn... huhu~~ seram gak.. nk tido punya la susah mlm tu... nk jer biar lampu tu terbuka... kui3... penakut sgt ker jan nie? huhu~~ well.. everyone have their own experience bout that... so no comment.. yg x bestnyer, dok tgk2 citer tu, ada lak jembalang lain dok kaco jan ngan kak zue... hampeh tol... mana x terkezut... last2 dia sendiri pon terkezut gak.. huhu.. tu la, kaco org lg... yg paling steady mesti la mijal.. ekeke~~

erm.. sebenarnya dh lupa nie.. what was happened that week (last 2 weeks), may be that weeks is a spooky one.. thats why la i juz forget it.. huhu~~ i dun want the bad things bothering my unstable emo and my disgusting life.. huhu~~ nanti bertambah haru dibuatnyer... so juz forget it la.. thats is better ways to keep on livin... tapi kekadang tu, tingat jgk.. tu yg x best tu.. nasib ko jan... nk buek cam no... terimo je la seadanya...

but on thursday (17th may), ada org ponteng kerjo.. huhu.. sapa lagi bancik la... tak sedap badan la tu.. tu la, suruh makan ubat x mo... tapi sekrang ni, cam dh rajin skit.. bagus la.. huhu~~ so jan dok la kat umah tu ngan bancik and mijal... macam org asing pon ada.. ye la, mana tak nyer... semuanyer membisu tak berkata... i really hate that kind of situation... kalu leh nk je lari jauh2, tp nk lari mana lagi... jan x der sapa dh kat sini nk ngadu, nk menumpang kasih... and bcoz of that, its make me felt much more guilty... that is what i feel inside...and my presence seems like a burden to anyone... tp, mmg ye pon.. huhu~~ jan ada pon... kan nyer leh buat apa pon, suruh pi beli lauk pon x reti, suruh buat tu tak tau... suruh buat ni pn tak tau... buat bancik lagi tensen ada la.. kan nye nk tolong ilangkan sakit penat bancik.. menambah kan beban ada la... i feel so sorry to everyone... lagi satu, jan punya pasal la.. kak zue n mijal pon kena marah skali... imagine if i dont exist at that time... everything shud be fine... adeh... adakah budak jan ni pembawa nasib malang tuk semua org?
pulok.. petang tu, x der letrik plak... panas tu... jan aje yg tau... bancik boleh plak tido kt dlm bilik ngan selamba kodok nyer... huhu.. then, around 5.30... bertolak pi komuter klang.. amik kak zue pulang dari kerja.. pastu terus ke tesco beli barang dapur n mijal skit...

and once again, on friday.. sumthin bad happened, not onto me.. but KAU3969.. huhu.. kesian lak dia.. tak pasal2 cedera jatuh longkang... erm ptg tu ingatkn nk kasi tau la masa chatin tu kt bancik.. tapi biar la dulu.. bancik balik je la baru kasi tau... kan x pasal2 x tentu hala dibuatnyer, ngan keje lagi, ngan masalah lain lagi... lagipon bancik dh janji, dia xmo marah2 lagi dh.. dia ckp dh ok... jan pon dh hepi la bila ckp camtu.. huhu~~ lega skit... tapi bila je sampai.. belum pon sempat nk ckp apa... bancik dh tanya dulu... x tentu hala dibuatnyer... nk citer pon, cam tersekat jer... so, jan biar je la dulu... and the promises was broken bcoz of me... im so upset of myself, i never ever make anyone hepi... i can do nothing... ntah la sampai bila la jan nk cam nie...

but the important things is, hope that i can learn from that mistake.. hope it will never happen again and again... and on saturday (19th may), nothing much change i guest... i woke up and got ready... and kak zue wasnt around.. only bancik and mijal at living room... making their holiday buzy with tidy up the living rom... vacuum the carpet, clean up the 'home theater' set and rearrange the living room... and i juz sit there with nothing to do.. gazing at the atmosphere full of dust, full of questions... what i know, someone will come this evening.. dunno who.. malas jan nk tanya.. biar la.. sat lagi tau la sapa...
ikutkan jadual, pagi tu... bancik sepatutnye pi gotong royong kt taman tu... huhu~~ ntah mcm mana dia gotong royong atas katil tu plak.. kui3... x puas ngan tu... pi kemas stor plak... huhu~~ sebabnyer nk sumbat jannyer brg lak dlm stor tu nanti... hehe~~ and the best thing is... lunch tu, mkn spagheti... kak zue masak... ooo cam ni rupanyer masaknyer spagheti.. kui3...

then, at 2.30 pm... went to upm, to move my things from there to klang... huhu~~ baru diorang terperanjat tgk jannyer brg... penuh satu keta huhu.. ikutkan mmg x muat pon... tu pon nasib baik jan tinggal buat wakaf.. huhu.. and as promised, semuanya jan sponsored that day... doesnt matter pon... lagipon bukan nyer slalu... cuma minyak je kot jan x byr... sapa suruh bancik x berhenti isi minyak.. kui3... ingatkn bancik nk mkn pizza hut... tanya, senyap jer... susah la mcm nie.. last2 mkn satay kajang jer.. ermm best la plak satay perut tu.. kui3.... lagipon bancik ada temujanji ngan org... and ngan mila... kui3.. so dh budget la.. 5.30p.m sampai umah semula...
mlm tu jugak.. ada jiran buat tahlil.. jan yg tak tau menahu nie pon pi la join... menda yg baik kan.. x salah pon.. huhu~~ lepas je abis, bancik terus je balik... sebab x mo terlepas nk tgk konsert final af5... ntah kyusyuk ntah idak la bancik ni baca tahlil.. ekekeke~~ kan main seronok lagi... siap undi mila lagi tu.. miahaha~~ jan layan je la.. asal semua org hepi sudah...

on the same day, kak lisa lak ajak pi join dia kt hotel westin.. huhu~~ dun no wat to say.. lebey baik diam... lagipon jan kena ikut bancik la since jan menumpang umah dia... so harap2 kak lisa paham... keputusan semuanyer di tangan bancik.. hikhik...

monday again (21st may) ermmm... i went to serdang one more time.. but now, i stay at yoe house at balakong... baru je satu hari dok sana.. so mmg x der apa pon.. kosong la umah tu... tp ok jer.. yg x bestnyer, tingkat 5.. huhu~~ penat den menapak.. then on tuesday, sepatutnya kena la present fyp.. but sumthin came out.. out of my expectation lak tu... dh tak tau nk wat pe... last2 col bancik... im really scared that time... mmg x jangka lak jadi cam nie... erm.. biar la, benda yg lepas... malas jan nk pikir... so, on wednesday, i went to faculty, to setle evrything and balik klang... baru la tenang skit...

well.. menda tu pon dh berlalu, dh seminggu pon... im much better rite now... apa yg penting, pengajaran hari semlm jadikanlah pedoman buat hari ini...

adeh x larat dh nk nulih... pening pon ada nie.. nk kena ingat balik.. nk kena tulis lagi... huhu~~ k la.. itu aje la kot buat kali nie... nk pi mandi dulu... huhu~~