You'Re ThE LOvE oF mY L!Fe...

Happy Birthday Mum... on this spesel day.. i juz wanna let you know... that i love u so much... truly madly deeply from the bottom of my heart... you're my light through the darkness.. you're my sunshine when there was a rain.. you're my guidance when i lost... you're my angel through these years.. you gave me hope when i fall apart... you're my everything... there are no word can describe how spesel you're... and i thanks to Allah because gave me such a great mum like you...

Ya Allah... yang maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang... ku mohon padaMu agar diberkati segala pengobanan ibuku... Kau kasihanilah dia sebagaimana kau mengasihani hamba2 Mu yang solehah... kau ampunilah dosa2 ibuku... Kau berilah petunjuk hidayahMu kepadanya... agar terhindar dari segala kekusutan... aku memohon kepadaMu ya Allah, kurniakanlah dia nikmat kesihatan yg berpanjangan, kesenangan dalam melakukan tugas dan hindarilah dia dari kecelakaan.... Amin ya rabbal a'lamin..

Ikhlas tapi jauh,
Anakmu...


Spice Girls - Mama


Haddad Alwi & Sulis - Ummi


Rabbani - Ibu Mithali


Hazinul Abada (Bonda)


Aeman - Buatmu Ibu

aNd tHe Ra!N kEpt FaLL!nG...

Here im again tonite… my eyes doesn’t wanna close at all… its still fresh like a full moon in the sky high above… calmly gazing to earth... shining through the dark nite.. like a glue stick in these eyes... with my head moving and spinning around and around… tried to figure out what exactly happened last night… then, here I am in this blog… juz to get rid of this uneasy feeling… i feel so terrible at the moment... feel so sorry to myself for what i've done... i was the bad guy after all... nothing is true about me...

Today… I juz felt so lucky… after a few weeks, I can walk normally… no more pain in my leg… i feel so alive… yet inside still unknown... may be it wont function well.. or may be damage... how do i know... i juz don wanna know... and outside, the rain kept failing… there was a stormy day for me… and the sky turned to dark out of nowhere.. until I lost my sight… lost my voice... lost my way… I lost... felt like im lost my both leg rite now...

i dunno how to start this... i dont have any strength to write all of this... im so shame for the thing i've said and done... i lost my smiley face since that... it's gone... i cant smile... i cant laugh... i cant live with this anymore... its hard for me... i wish i can wear a smile again... and put on my face like others... i juz wanna live like others... do i deserved it?

but i know for sure.. i can change nothing.. i cant made up someone mind to love me.. to appreciate me... to care of me... and i never want that anyway... and im not begging for that... and how ridiculous when someone asked me to erase the thing i cant... even i did.. how can i erase it from my mind? its like someone asked me to erase my memories... the one i treasure most... the thing that light up my life... tell me, how im supposed to do? why did you begging for the impossible thing... please, never, ever begging for unreal thing... and now i want begging you... not to say sorry or an apologize, because im know, i dont deserve it.. i juz wanna you take back your word... its hurting me... and i'm the one who need to apologize.. and im sorry... rite from the start... i have thrown away my pride.. my ego, i put it under my feet.. i buried it long time ago when this bond was tied... my satisfaction, i killed it coz im afraid it'll get in our way... and at that moment, im the happiest person.. like this world belong to me... and that is what i want let you know... because i cant stop from thinking... and i cant stop you from say goodbye... once you said.. please dont turn back... coz you'll see im terribly crying for sure...

the rain kept falling... like understood what exactly i felt inside... and washed up my tears... thats why nobody can see it... and i will never let anyone see it... the pain, juz let me bear it... when i think again... i should choose the lonely path... because it was the best path for me... its hard to believe... in my life, people come and go... and now... i never wonder if that will happen again... juz its so sad to have it again and again... how cruel this world to treat me like this... and i juz wanna know... whats wrong with me 'till everyone goes against me?

but i wonder... can i have that smile face once again... i love to have those day again and again... and i miss it so much...

well it was 4 in the morning... it was pitch dark in my room... it was cooled and calmed here.. till i can hear every ticking of the clock... and its going late...so i need to force myself goes to sleep... i get a thing to do this morning... so, i juz need to rest...

mY L!Fe iS mY sEcReT...

Salam everyone... ermmm juz nothing... but feels like wanna update this blog, even i have no idea what im gonna write here... really no idea... my head is so stuck.. so dumb!!! so here i am to foolish around with a bullshit blabbering and murmuring... like im the one in this world whos trouble so much... but that is what i feel rite now.. like the world against me... can i stand alone???

day by day... hours by hours... even every minutes that passed by... my head full with the questioning.... and the problem is.. there is no answer... no solution.... how do i wanna get through all this my juz myself alone... am i prepared? never thought my life is so much trouble... and its juz a begining... what a troublesome... can i survive alone???

but for now... i am thankful as i am still have this life, i breath... i lived to the fullest... and thats what make me still stand until now... juz ignored that kind of thing... and i'll be happy, even not for long... im still hepi... i feel it.. yet im alone...

"nobody like you...everyone left you... they're all out without you... having fun.."

i love to be alone.. alone in my way... alone in this life... because its my life.. and its my precious.. and the topmost, its my secret... so i can keep it save with juz me alone... im too afraid to let it broken apart...

there is no one can understand yourself better than you are... everyone just pretend the one... and pretend to care.. but the reality is too savage to reveal... is that true???

the rain juz keep failing inside and outside... better stop now and juz let the memories rest...

rest in pain...

Fly... Lieyssa Fly!

Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang... Ku mohon padaMu agar selamatkanlah perjalanan nya.. permudahkanlah segala urusan nya... dan semoga engkau memberkati serta melindungi nya dari apa jua bala bencana... Amin.

yosh... i hope everything will be fine... even kak lisa pergi tanpa pesan berita... i'm still hepi because she is... and may be that's the best way to say goodbye... kerana perginya akan kembali... so nothing to worry about... huhu~~ ermm... juz take care okay.. have a safe and nice journey... itterasshai~~



I say, Feel your breeze, Anytime Anywhere in my heart
Feel your breeze Never stop walking now oh~

kesenai kizu o mata fuyashiteku
nanka kaze ga shimiteyuku
hitori idaeteru fuan nara
ima dare ni mo aru hazu...
(The number of wounds that won't vanish are increasing
It's like the wind is piercing me
Those little worries you keep to yourself
I'm sure everyone has some now...)

kitto yoru wa nagaku
fukaku shizundeta hou ga
asahi noboru toki wa
sou, kirameku hazu sa
(Of course the night is long
And you sink down deeply
When the sun rises up in the morning
Yes, it'll be gleaming)

itsuka souzou shiteta mirai to ima ga
sukoshi chigatteita tte
yume no tame no namida wa mada kiezu ni hikari tsuzukeru
zutto kokoro wa kimi o miteru
mune ni kizanda kimochi de
towa ni yume o kanjiyou ano natsugumo afureru you ni
(Some day the future you dreamed of and now
Will be a little bit different
The tears shed for dreams will keep shining without fading
Your heart will always watch you
With the feelings that tear your heart apart
Feel all of of your dreams eternally overflowing like those summer clouds)

I say, Feel your breeze, Anytime Anywhere in my heart
Feel your breeze Never stop walking now oh~

dekinai koto wa nanni mo nai to
sou omotteiru kedo
umaku konasenai nichijou ni
sugu bokura wa tomadou
(There's nothing that we can't do
That's what we think but
It's hard to swallow in everyday life
And it quickly confuses us)

kitto yume wa tooku
sora ni kasundeku you de
dakedo kaze wa omoi
sotto noseteyuku kara
(Of course the dream is far off
And the sky grows hazy
But the wind softly
Carries our feelings)

itsuka souzou shiteta mirai ni bokura
chanto chikazukeru you ni
kaze ni itsumo fukarete ima koko kara aruiteikou
zutto kokoro wa kimi o miteru
mune de musunda kimochi de
towa ni kimi o kanjiyou kono kisetsu ga afureru you ni
(Some day in the future you dreamed of we will
Become closer like we should
Always blown around by the wind let's walk from here on
Your heart will always watch you
With the feelings that tear your heart apart
Feel all of your dreams eternally overflowing like the seasons)

itsuka souzou shiteta mirai to ima ga
sukoshi chigatteita tte
yume no tame no namida wa mada kiezu ni hikari tsuzukeru
zutto kokoro wa kimi o miteru
mune ni kizanda kimochi de
towa ni yume o kanjiyou ano natsugumo afureru you ni
(Some day the future you dreamed of and now
Will be a little bit different
The tears shed for dreams will keep shining without fading
Your heart will always watch you
With the feelings that tear your heart apart
Feel all of of your dreams eternally overflowing like those summer clouds)

I say, Feel your breeze, Anytime Anywhere in my heart
Feel your breeze Never stop walking now oh~

HaPpY b!RtHdaY... MiFz@L...

What a big day is today? afterall, the time has come... i've been waiting for all this time just to wish u a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my lovely... mu cutest... my smartest... little bro, MUHAMMAD MIFZAL AMYREEN... huhuhu~~ i miss him alots and alots... how he is doing right now? what he doing right now? did his daddys punished him for what he done? did his mummys scolded him now and than? huhu~~ what a pity Mijal... but, may be thats was the best thing to let u know... everyone love you... even not today, hope you will someday... i wish i was there by this time and i juz wanna spend this precious day to play with u... to be there with u.. if i could... well, i know my hope was too much and i know i cant even reach to that place... BUT.. i still have my last hope... in my dream!!! kui3...

btw... abg cik and kak zue... please give my kisses to mijal tau... kiss yg bertalu-talu pon tak pa... sampai lebam gitu.. wahahaha~~~ he's grown up now... today, he is 2 years old... i wish i can look at that innocent face at this moment... pampers him to sleep... be by his side on his besday.... sadly, i cant... not in a million years...

ku tatap gambar wajahmu..
sinar mata itu...
lirik senyumanmu...
pesona yg membelai...

0Ne LeG K!ckiNg...

Salam… its August already… felt like just yesterday I came back to this green campus… well, this is the month that I should feel proud of you, Malaysia… but not to me… I juz started my job yesterday as a macai yang terindah.. neither terhormat like mr hazir nor ladyboss like miss salisa… both of them was a great person to me… I’m salute them to be honest to me for all this time… but, lately both of them too busy with all that kind of thing that we called a job… I can’t say that I understand their situation, but I’m tried to be the one who understandable person… I’m not sad being ‘forgotten’ by someone… because that’s life… people come and go in your life… there is no such fair thing in this world… I guess… may be with this job I hope I will understand much better what kind of situation was that… and it is the second day already… everything so far so good… hope it will last ‘til the end… amin..

But the thing wasn’t going to smooth lately, suddenly my old disease came bite me at the moment I don’t need it… it’s hard with one leg to walk… even to stand… I can barely move… my right leg wasn’t work well… I don’t know what the problem actually… last year I saw the doc and she said it was a gout symptom… I don’t know what it was… and I don’t wanna know what it is all about… she said I can’t take much seafood… and bla bla bla… and she asked me to come again to check up more about that but I just ignored it… hell no I come again… but the advice, I took it as for my own good… so no seafood… and for more than half year… no seafood for me… may be juz a little bit.. and when I thought the disease was totally gone… like merdeka! merdeka! merdeka! moreover, I juz miss so much the taste of seafood… I ate it as I wanted to… well, we live once… so juz enjoy it whenever you can… and I did it… I feel it… thank to Allah… but then, it ended up with this uneasy condition… what I can say…

anyways.. my pc juz recover from the unknown disease... so pity of her... well it cost much more than i do... jezz... hope that was the last.. i juz repaired it last semester... and now again... may be she grumbling, to show that i didnt take care of her for last one month++... please dont cried my dear... huhu~~

oh yup.. last night, yoe juz asked me to go to mines shoppin fair.. i guess he want to buy something... im juz followed him without any doubt even im not in gud condition... its ok for me... but then, he just walked in to cinema... and bought the tickets.. while im still to figured out what was happened actually... its wednesday.. so only rm6 for each.. quite cheap la kot! we watched the harry potter and the order of the phoenix... ermm well.. juz to memorize back... the last i stepped in the cinema was last march, 25th, i thought... i watched mr bean the movie with sis lisa at KLCC... so about more than 3 months... quite long time la kot... ermmm that it is la kot... dh x der idea dah nk membebel sesorang.... so good morning.. time to sleep...

Thought of the month:-
so what is the merdeka to me... i guess im still searching for that answer... and am i merdeka? merdeka from what?